i wish I was more, for you. I wish I was gone, for myself.

Do you understand how badly i want to leave this world? No, you don't. More than almost anything I could possibly ever wish for. I'm not just another young girl, struggeling with lifes obstacles; I'm one of few to follow through with my emotions and do what I feel. What am I waiting for then? I'm waiting for an answer as to why, as bad as I'm craving to end my wasted life, why am I being held back from acheiving something I would consider a goal. Because I would not dare be so selfish, to think only of I and not of you. You may not know it, but you yourself are the only single living reason in this entire universe that is keeping me here. I cannot force you to deal with a loss; I cannot put you through what you will never deserve. But it hurts so bad to feel like such a disapointment, knowing it is all my fault and I will always wish I could be more for you. My hugest fear, disapointing you; someone who I know would give me the world if they had the chance. You do not, nor will ever, deserve any of this.