Tomorrow

I always see myself waiting for tomorrow and trying to get my day over with, not knowing of what's to come, but having hope that it will bring something good; A never ending chain of hope for tomorrow. When will the tomorrow i'm looking for come.. Or will it at all? What exactly am I even waiting for anyways? Something new maybe, something different. My life is too dull, too boring.. nothing spontaneous happening. Although i say this realizing that too much happens in my life So I'll rephrase that, something spontaneous that isn't bad news. I do find it odd that I'm bored with my life. I guess I'm just so used to too much going on.

Attraction

Is it so wrong to be so used to being able to get what you want, or should I say who rather than what. It gets me so frustrated not being able to have you to myself. I wonder if its just the fact that i cant have you that draws me towards you or that I actually am very attracted, something that unlikely happens not so often in my life. I may never know.

Obsession

obsession is such an unattractive thing. I don't care what your reasons or intentions are. I don't think there's any reason good enough to become so revolved around anyone. I mean, If your trying to annoy someone; that's a hell of a way to do so, but quite affective. The usual case is someone trying to start a connection, not realizing that their impatience will simply lead to the opposite of what they're aiming for. For example: Getting to know someone. It's not something you can just do in a matter of days, let alone minutes. New people take getting used to and if you rush those things, you just become an annoyance. And well, lets face it, there's hardly a nice way of telling someone that they're just trying way too hard. I'm not sure if this would bother the average person as much as myself because I only enjoy attention to an extent. In fact, I try to avoid it in most cases; but obviously that won't always work. I wish people would think things out more often; It would benefit for themselves as well.

Rumors

I don't think its possible to understand how passionately I hate liars. I think -no; I know the world would be such a nicer place without them. I know I shouldn't let it bother me and for the most part, I don't because I know whats true, and my real friends should believe me. I was sent through hell my freshmen year because of, you know it, rumors. I worked hard at doing the right things so I wouldn't create myself a bad reputation, but the truth is I would've been treated the same bad way no matter what I had really done with my life. Do you really need to lie and hurt others to feel better about yourself? This is why i despise liars. They are self centered, rude, and ignorant human beings. They don't realize what they're doing, don't care about hurting others, and are trying to trick people into believing what is wrong. It's going to take me a long time to forgive those who've lied to or about me like this, but that's okay; Since it would take time for liars to mature and actually deserve being forgiven.

Waiting

Theres something about you, something so addictive. I haven't noticed until now, but ive had a thing for you all along. Since the day we met. Eight years of wanting you and neither of us brave enough to say a word of it. Neither of us thinking maybe we feel the same, But now I look back at all those years and see what I couldn't see before. I did have a chance with you, and I know you wanted me too. The older we grew, the more insecure we became around one another. I pushed myself away from you out of unnecesary shyness. Why am I always too late with realizing the obvious? Seeing you with her makes me sick. I can't imagine her being your type and I know something like that won't last long. I've always had so much trouble with finding the right guy, someone I can even hold interest in. And I smile when I remember all the times we spent together, how much we enjoyed being with eachother. I can't imagine ever finding a dull momment with us two together. It's never too late, what we had is still there somewhere. And hopefully I'll have the chance to find it again, but until then; I know your not going anywhere and I've been Okay all this time without you. I'll always want you, but I'm willing to wait. We'll see where life takes us.

Memory

My tears burn tonight, Blurring my vision. I havent cried this much in a while so, why now? Why are you causing me these sleepless nights? I thought this was over with. Night after night, you make me afraid to close my eyes. Can I never escape the memories of you? You make it so hard for me to even think straight anymore. Why do people keep telling me steps to take to forget you and what you've done? Why does it have to be a process? Can't I just forget you, Can't these thoughts just stop? I hate remembering anything about you, its making me sick. I couldn't imagine just one night to change the way I look at and feel about everything, but it has. I feel like there is no escaping you. Theres surely no erasing the past. How can the memories of one single person cause so much harm?

Self Conflict

I feel so lost right now, so confused ...as the cuts only get deeper and the tears that much more acidic, I don't know what to do with myself. More scars, physical and mental; This is what I've done with my life, crying every step of the way.

You idiot, you pathetic moron! All that people have done for you, all that has been given up for you, your putting it all to waste; How can you be so self centered and ungracious? How can you even live with yourself?

...I can't; I can't live like this. I need help, I know. Why must I be stuck here. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry... just please, please stop saving me.