Enemy

I'm still my own worst enemy and I no longer care to change that. It seems that I don't deserve to change, nor do I have the will. One can see that I usually would not mind an insult.. however, it hurts to recieve one when your trying to be nothing near of rude. Who the hell am I? Why cant I just be how I want to be? I struggle to find hope for myself and see a future. The world took my and everyone Else's expectations up high, far too high for me to reach. Leaving me with no ladder to climb, no stairs to walk up on... Just the ground for me to sit on and gaze up from. I feel that I am a horrible, hideous, unstable human being. Hurting myself is strangely making it possible for others to hurt me, as well. Why is this happening? Why do I have to hurt so bad? Why must I exist? I want to disappear as I would want an enemy to. I was somehow holding on, but that excuse for thread just snapped.. now I couldn't keep trying if I wanted to.