The Past

..Do you really ever stop missing the past?? And i do mean that as a question.. if anyone has the answer. Sometimes i think the past would seem amazing to live through again, then other times i think i wouldnt dare take the chance to go back. So i guess i cant make up my mind really... if thats how you want to look at it. Or you could just say that the past is made up of good and bad, so was it worth it or not? I live with no regrets and i prefer to think that everything happens for a reason, but that doesnt mean you cant change whats happening now, right? ..Should i or would that be something ill just have to change again later and then pretend that i dont regret it. Well, enough thinking.. more doing something. Ill just have to live it to answer my own questions.

politics

its been awhile since ive written.. i know hah, But schools started back up and the stress has begun! So here i am again.


Do you ever worry about our government or the people running our world? I never have.. actually id rather not hear about it. Politics not only bore me, but they piss me off. So many people in the united states are clueless, selfish, and idiotic. they will be the reason life wont meet its expectations. All this talking over Obama this Obama that, but really i know some friends that are apparently "in love" with Obama and he will be the best president ever, they say. Hah, They know nothing of him except that he could be the first black president. Dont get me wrong, id be perfectly fine with him being president, if he actually classified, but he doesnt. Some stupid teenagers dont pay attention to news.. they dont hear that he doesnt have experience, they dont hear what the other runners have more of... They see that hes a handsome black man. Dont ruin our government for something as stupid as this. One day we will have a black president that actually has his experience and will know what to do. However, i wouldnt vote for either if i could because like i said.. politics piss me off and people vote for the wrong reasons. If your going to vote, You better know what your doing because your vote will effect the lives of millions.

Theres nothing good about goodbye

There's nothing good about goodbye.. so why do i want to say goodbye to you? Im not sure really.. We have gotten in a few times like this. not exactly fights, but just.. moments of silence. I feel frusterated with you, not angry.. upset. im upset that were not like we use to be. When we had no problems. hardly anything in the world upsetted us or made us angry. If there was something bothering us we would handle it together, like besties do. We were happy and carefree.. things couldnt get better. Ive been gone, i know.. im sorry. But everytime i checked by id get upset with something little, something stupid.. just because it was different. I dont want to change and i dont want you to change, but is it even possible to do something about it? we tried.. u were you and i was me.. yet were like this again. i dont feel different about you..i dont think, and i hope you dont feel different about me.. Do you want us back to they way we use to be as bad as i do? ...i dont think its possible. What made us the way we were thats not here now? Who knows.. all i can say is of course i love you and of course im here for you, speaking or not.. that will never change, no matter how mad id get.. i can assure you. i wish we could just talk this out, but its not that simple.. talking wont do much. i wish we were talking yet i dont. I would if i knew this wouldnt keep happening, but it has been time after time.. For once i dont have a solution, i dont know what to do so ill write this and maybe you can think of something..

Sadness

Tears of acid rolling down my cheeks, dripping off of the center of my chin, rolling down my neck and drenching my clothes. They lose the burning feeling and freeze into ice until the point that i get chills up my spine and im alone in the world. Who am i? Who do i even want to be. im sombody. people like me, but no. I hate me. I dont want to be me, id rather be nobody. My eyes swell up with so many tears that i cant see. My breaths get short and i almost forget to keep breathing. Im not a good a person, deep down people dont like me, i dont trust anyone like i use to, and i have nobody to confine in. My eyes are so wet yet they burn with dryness. the salt in my tears hurts and makes my makeup slide down my face. Life is good. Life is bad. My life is fine, yet its not. Society requires too much of you and you have to be perfect. You have to fit in. You have to have amazing friends, You have to get good grades and have your whole life planned out, You have to find boyfriends and you have to be kind. You have to be happy and you have to have manners. You have to fit in and you have to look good. You cant be a whore and you cant be a prude. Its too much. I dont want to be me. life is too hard so let me be. please, i want to be nobody.

Didn't.See.That.Coming

When two friends are in an arguement or a seemingly forever lasting fight that decides whether you two were truly friends or not, you get to a point where your done being the calm and reasonable one. You know if you kept on trying that you would be able to fix everything, yet again, but you should not have to. That's not how friendships work and I understand that much. I give out too many second chances, but only because I dont think losing friends over little things is a smart thing to do. Infact, its beyond stupid. Grow up and look at what your doing. Your picking fights and losing people you love. You'll regret it, but i wont because atleast I can say I tried. I'm not normally going to be so reasonable and you didnt get that, did you? I'll do anything but let people use me or treat me any way other than what I want. I can be harsh at times, but I can also be nice too.. sometimes too nice. It doesnt sound great to be 'too nice', but its a pretty useful thing to do. It helps you keep friends and it helps things go alot smoother for everyone. However, there is a point where people begin to think that's just me. It's not and ive decided to stop wasting my time. I have real friends and at this moment you have one less. You didn't see that coming, did you?

Cherish.What.You.Have

"You never know what you have until its gone". I thought i understood that since i used the phrase myself, but i didn't. You never realize how much you love and need something until its too late. You could say abillion times how much you think you dont, but when it comes down to the very moment that its taken from you.. and you just want to keep looking back and enjoy seeing it there like you use to everyday.. you dont. you cant. its too late. Your time is up and you cry because you couldve used the time you had. instead you didnt know how soon this time would come to an end and how sad it would be. Life is full of surprises, good and bad. I wont let myself go over this surprise again.

Prove.Yourself

Sometimes you just need a break from life. And I dont mean a vacation either. I mean a few hours to not exist. Life is hard.. sometimes more difficult with other people, but always difficult. For instance, peer pressure. It really hasnt much to do with yourself. Just you wanting to prove somebody wrong to prove yourself right and basically just doing stuff you dont need to do, but your willing to do it in order to prove your point. Kinda stupid, right? Well i prefer to prove myself, but the more that I think about it, I guess it really doesn't matter what others think of you, does it? Nah, So there, I solved my own problem. forget you.