Life's Ironic

Have you ever noticed how Ironic life is most the time? How many things there are that just don't seem right? Like how its the smart ones who go insane; The loving ones who kill themselves. We both know that's the opposite of what they would have deserved so why do they get put down like that? Why does life treat you so bad? Like the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished". People work so hard in life and get so far expecting it to all be worth it in the end. The truth is life is full of so much to grieve over, so little to love. Can you see why I don't value life?

Scars

What you do doesn't just hurt you. I'll never trust you, no matter how many reasons you give me to. You've caused me difficulty in going through life, some things that will never go away. You make me afraid of not only you, but also the people that actually deserve my trust. Ive learned to hide my fears from others, they will only take advantage of what they know.. and I try to hide them from myself as well, wondering if that's okay. Now I'm big enough to decide things for myself and I'm deciding that it is time to move on. You are dead to me, hopefully never to come back, but the things you have done will stay with me forever.

Relief

Sometimes you feel the biggest relief from the smallest object. Stress is such a huge part of life, sometimes the cause of the end. People love you, don't want you to stress life, but sometimes you just need to know you can relax, not because your
loved, but because that's what human deserve. Receiving a remark in the random gives me no room to over think and make good into bad.

"Find release from your cares, have a good time."

Thank you fortune cookie!

Lost

Ive noticed myself living everyday just to get it over with; Clearly that would mean im not enjoying much about life. Ive never really wanted to move forward either. Could that mean im afraid of change? How can I be afraid of change when things could only get better, then again.. things only ever feel like theyre getting worse. I often find myself doing both: hating the past, not able to move forward; and missing what was, not able to go back. I'm forever stuck where I dont want to be and I need to learn a way out.

Looking back

I look back at how you stared at me like i meant so much. I see the silly little games you would play just to see me laugh. I look back and wish what I saw was what it really appeared to be, but it wasn't; I was wrong... you made me a fool. It seems as if I just keep looking deeper, I'll find what I thought was always there. How can I try to see good in you when you continue to portray what is bad? Those little things dont seem so great anymore, but they were all i have ever known. To a little girl, those moments mean the world. How could you steal them out from underneath her when she least expects it? I wish I knew what it meant to have a real father that loved me just like I had imagined... but you've taken that away from me.

i wish I was more, for you. I wish I was gone, for myself.

Do you understand how badly i want to leave this world? No, you don't. More than almost anything I could possibly ever wish for. I'm not just another young girl, struggeling with lifes obstacles; I'm one of few to follow through with my emotions and do what I feel. What am I waiting for then? I'm waiting for an answer as to why, as bad as I'm craving to end my wasted life, why am I being held back from acheiving something I would consider a goal. Because I would not dare be so selfish, to think only of I and not of you. You may not know it, but you yourself are the only single living reason in this entire universe that is keeping me here. I cannot force you to deal with a loss; I cannot put you through what you will never deserve. But it hurts so bad to feel like such a disapointment, knowing it is all my fault and I will always wish I could be more for you. My hugest fear, disapointing you; someone who I know would give me the world if they had the chance. You do not, nor will ever, deserve any of this.

Too.Bad

You know just what to say to get under my skin, to make me feel my absolute worse when I already thought I did.. but why? Do you even know what you do to me, how the things you say effect me? Maybe you don't; I cant expect you to know what I don't choose to share, rather to hide instead. The people who love you most are the only one's able to hurt you the most and they do, Despite their love of course. I should have said this. I should have stopped hiding.. I didn't so I can't be mad, but can't help but be sad. It's too bad this conversation isn't real, too bad you still won't know. That's all too, too bad..