You.Complicate.Me

What if you were to make a mistake and as you were about to make that mistake, you knew you'd regret it... yet you did it despite all the worries you had. You lost your one true love on purpose... yep... it was no mistake. But as soon as he found it was over, he became furious with you, in disbelieve, while all you could do was watch... there’s nothing that could be said to calm him down. Before you know it he's gone... little did you know that was the last time you spoke to him. You started missing him before he even left and the regret had already begun as you knew it would. You wish you could go back but you know you cant, you don’t even deserve to... not after being so stupid. You hate yourself for a moment... maybe a week... even longer? Who really knows if you'll forgive yourself. As minutes go by you sit and wait, hoping you’ll wake up any second now, thinking this is all a dream. Crying on the inside and out in such confusion and self pity. All you did for him, the amount of love you kept for him... how could he be so angered and misunderstanding. Or was it you who didn’t understand? Did you love him as much as you say and thought you did... did he love you back? Maybe you’re just too caught up and too young, ahead of the game and you should just forget it all. Much time is needed for thoughts. Time passes and people are shocked and lost as to why you are alone, why you did it... but you don’t even know yourself. It mustn’t have been love, they say, you’re too young to know what love is... but you disagree quietly. You know you loved him don’t you? You've never felt that way of anybody before and the feeling isn’t changing a bit, or has it? What made you ruin everything you once had? Still puzzled you continue to regret and talk with others who clearly haven’t been here and just make you realize more, that this is your entire fault and there is no fixing what you have done. Is it time to give up... time to move on? Looks like he has, something in you wants to believe he misses you and still thinks about you, however the guilt turns those feelings away and replaces them with believing that he doesn’t care... he’s moved on and even replaced you. a few more times, you look back at what you’ve lost, all the great moments that will never happen, all the feelings that you say are gone for the rest of your life.. And you cry yourself to sleep. He still hasn’t come back and he never will... You wish he would in fact you could try to help bring him back, but you don’t deserve to... if he wants to come back, then he will on his own.. You can’t mess with fate, everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know the reason. Your friends tell you he's awful and others don’t say a thing. It’s better to say nothing than just lie for your comfort. Well maybe its time to move on like he has. Forget. That word is more difficult to be done than to be said. Forget it all... its over, you say to yourself. But those words hurt too much to grasp onto and again, you fail to forget. How could you move on when you still regret... when you choose not to forgive yourself. How can you forget when you wish so much for those moments you miss to be happening at this very moment. Again you say, he’s not coming back, he doesn’t care. Taking all the strength in you, you do your best to forget for a day... and only a day did it last. When you start to think and regain all your thoughts your overwhelmed and just completely blown away with sorrow, worse than before. You will never...ever... be able to move on. The giant empty space in your heart reminds you everyday that you are alone and you must live with your mistakes, your horrible mistakes. When you were together and so in love he was always on your mind. First thing when you wake up, daydreaming in school and throughout the day, dreaming about him at night. It made you so happy to know he loved you back. You still think about him all the time... he’s a major part of your life and won’t just disappear. The difference is that now when you think of him you don’t feel happy... you feel pain, heartbroken, helpless, and ashamed. Maybe it’s just because you’re alone? You think so much that he has replaced you... why don’t you try to replace him. Desperate to stop the emotional suffering you rush into a relationship, turns out to be a shallow one and just makes things worse when you find it’s loveless and you must break his heart also. You feel even worse and ashamed, that mistake is not to be repeated. He’s over it in a madder of hours and it just makes you feel even more unloved and not missed... by more than one person of course. It seems as if everyone else in the world is in love and your there only to help them not make a mistake like yours. Too bad somebody couldn’t have helped you before it was too late, but nobody understood... how can they when you can’t explain it yourself. Love is one of the most confusing things and it never really makes sense. Time passed and you become less vulnerable to the point where you can think about it and not cry, which is a very good thing because you cant not think about it... mistakes are permanent and he was a tattoo on your heart. More and more you think, thoughts changing and some not. You become angry with not only yourself but your true love as well... he must not have loved you like you thought. How can you love someone and leave them without looking back because of a mistake they made. You’re the one who made the mistake and you can’t stop looking back, you can’t stop wishing he was next to you saying he missed you too and will take you back in a heartbeat because he understands the confusions of love. But he doesn’t... nor do you... does anybody?. Still being stuck on this boy you try to fix your mistakes... you can’t talk to him so how about the next best thing? His friends, also your friends. Seems as though they’ve been gone along with him. Possibly they’re mad at you for hurting their friend or maybe you’ve just grown apart. You don’t talk to them enough to figure out which is the reason... sometimes one will come around... nothing is said. Suppose they don’t care enough to talk to you anymore? Well why bother somebody when you’re unwanted... more alone you begin to feel. The world does not stop and life does not either, time goes on whether u want it to or not. You see many couples that make you wish you were as lucky to be in love... rather then stuck in an unfinished relationship with so many unanswered questions. The more you see guys and try to think they’ll heal your heart... the more you see that hes everything they’re not and you find it impossible to replace this part of your life. Nothing comes in compare to your true love and you feel like you will never love again. Only months have gone by but it feels as if you’ve been sitting here for years thinking maybe its time to do something rather than just try to figure out the confusion. Talk to your true friends... they love you and hate to see you upset so maybe they’ll help? Maybe they can bring your true love back to you so you can talk. You might just need closure. Or maybe you just want him back...i use to live life with no regrets........So after months of waiting why cant you forget him yet? can you? i mean its about time you get over it.. dont be an obsessed loser. People are going to start thinking you just want something to complain about, arent they. Your feelings about everything just keep changing like an uncontrolable rollercoaster... oh who cares what they think. You cant help but miss him... he'd probly think your a loser for still thinking of him.. or maybe he wouldnt. Its not like you'll be able to figure it out. How can you be so unsure on wether he will ever come back or not? You usually know the answer without doutb... Okay so heres where the twist to the story comes in..... even with all these thoughts going through MY head.. i want so bad to be able to say "Jay, I love you SO much and you'll never be able to understand how sorry i am.. i love you" and i just cant stop thinking in my head.. "i love you." Dont ask me why i keep saying i miss him. its because i cant tell him i love him. i cant talk to him and now that i want to do everything i can to bring him back.. i cant.. theres nothing i can do. Theres nobody who can help me either. i guess its too late.