Time

There's never enough hour's in a day, Never too little. Not enough time for what you want, but too much time within what you dont. True, is it not? Or could it be just another unclear view from one's young eyes. Everytime I find myself in a bad mood,
time is somehow.. someway related. So I hate time. I think it's the worse thing to exist that cant possibly not exist. Just looking at a clock frusterates the hell out of me and I dont have an exact reason as to why. Frequently Ill be upset that I can't fall asleep, getting up at five thirty has its deadlines.. every night. I only ever fix that by turning clocks face-down, but sometimes I cant escape it. I cant get my mind off reminding me of everything i need to do, the things ill never have enough time to do, and just hating the control time has over life... As far as I can tell... time is life.

Determination

In most cases I'm one to keep on trying until I succeed; Determination. However, I'm also a perfectionist and I crave confidence. Mix the two together and you find a Person that's determined to be perfect, No less. That's a lot to bare on your shoulder's 24 hours a day: 7 days a week, but I'm the reason its there. If I feel I'm on an imperfect path my determination will fail as well; Giving up. So add the perfect times with the failures and ill only be half way. I wish it was as simple as holding onto my determination, but determination has its requirements too. You have to want it; You have to believe it; And You have to keep hope. I'm a doubtful person.
(1.)Without confidence, I lose hope.
(2.)Without hope, i dont Believe.
(3.)I will never stop wanting, but that alone isn't enough.

"I Hate You"

Not too long ago I thought I couldn't dislike you anymore than I already did. Clearly I'm not always right, nor was I right with that thought. I'm craving to blurt out three meaningful words, but I don't know if it would be true.. as much as I feel it is right now. I'm rarely sure enough to use the term 'hate' since it's used so frequent and carelessly, but I will say you are my greatest antipathy. I dont have the ignorance to say I dont care about you deeply.. but I truly wish I didn't care about you. I care about you, not wanting to.. however, I believe that you couldn't mind me suffering my entire life waiting for death. Thinking all this make's me find you even more selfish and ignorant than I already know you are. I don't want you in my life, it's already sucky without your help as well.

Exhausted

Surely you've heard the saying 'Fight for what you want'. That's all I've ever been doing in my life.. and I'm just worn out from it. I completely understand that you have to fight to get the things and people you want in your life, but should you have to keep doing that to hold on to them as well? Is that fair? ..haha wait, stupid question.. I already know life isn't fair. I've kind of already stopped reaching for the things i want, but I have been fighting to hold onto the bit I have. So along with that I'm starting to give up on holding on too. I give up on holding onto my friends, holding onto grades, and holding onto any hope or happiness. Ah, What can I even say? I guess I'm a quitter, but why should I be something otherwise? Thing's really only ever get worse for me. When i gather my hope to keep moving on I just get slapped in the face. How many time's can you expect a person to keep doing that? Sometimes I wonder how other people would handle my life.. that maybe I'm just weak, another reason I'm disappointed in myself. I nowhere fit my standards for a human being. I wish I had reason to not be so negative.. or something to at least give me a little inspiration. I'm not an easily inspired person nor will I ever be good enough. I give up with writing this post too. That is a frequently used phrase of mine, isnt it? 'i give up'.

Enemy

I'm still my own worst enemy and I no longer care to change that. It seems that I don't deserve to change, nor do I have the will. One can see that I usually would not mind an insult.. however, it hurts to recieve one when your trying to be nothing near of rude. Who the hell am I? Why cant I just be how I want to be? I struggle to find hope for myself and see a future. The world took my and everyone Else's expectations up high, far too high for me to reach. Leaving me with no ladder to climb, no stairs to walk up on... Just the ground for me to sit on and gaze up from. I feel that I am a horrible, hideous, unstable human being. Hurting myself is strangely making it possible for others to hurt me, as well. Why is this happening? Why do I have to hurt so bad? Why must I exist? I want to disappear as I would want an enemy to. I was somehow holding on, but that excuse for thread just snapped.. now I couldn't keep trying if I wanted to.

Siblings

I find it interesting for a brother and sister to have such hatred toward one another. I understand the concept of being around each other too much, but that's not necessarily my dilemma. My issue is just personality. I'm not fond of your personality at all really. We will only ever get along since that's how we were meant to be raised, but I find it impossible for me to ever enjoy you. I am protective of you, as you should be of me, but that's only because you are my blood. You are immature, self-centered, ignorant, rude, and obnoxious. You are blind to kindness and in return give grief. How do you feel no guilt with your actions? ..even I'll feel guilt with someone as selfish as you. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Maybe then you will learn and lose your ignorant ways.

Hear what I say

I wish i knew how it was possible; How its possible that I totally enjoy being with you one minute, but later I'm so annoyed with your obsessive presence. With you its either 'never at all' or just 'all the time'.. and you need to understand I'm not enjoying that gesture at all. Your overall personality kind of bothers me, however you are nice ...to me at least. I cant help not enjoying constant attention. I rarely enjoy most attention at all and I'm pretty sure i told you that. Just goes to show people don't really interpret what your saying so why waste your breath? You make my speaking pointless. I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to imagine the frustration that gives me, being the way i am. You never really hear what I say so dont waste my time.

Reality

Most people spend their entire lives looking for things that never have and never will exist. You would expect them to realize theyre living in a fantasy. I think you would call this hope? You'll find people searching for love, but the only time you ever see 'love' is in movies.. Then theres people who search for a doorway to a perfect life. Again, ive only ever seen such thing's in movies. Life is not perfect and life is not always what you expect it to be. Why spend your time having fictional hopes that will eventually be crushed with reality like everything else. In the long run your just hurting yourself, but isnt that what we always do? People expect too much out of life. How do you even know this universe was made for us? What make's you think we were ment to be happy? Enjoy your fantasy.. let's see how long it'll last. Im stuck in reality.

Compliments

Needless to say I often dont like myself, but this is me and i was ment to be this way. Recently ive discovered one of many causes that makes me feel the way i do. Im simply my own bully. I tell myself mean things that only make life more difficult. What better a cure than to turn those hurtful comments into compliments? No really, i need a better idea.. watch how this works out;

'Your beautiful.' -- 'Not always. Whats so great about beauty anyways? Its only skin deep and it just gets attention that you clearly cant handle.'

'Your intelligent.' -- 'What a waste of intelligence. Your life is too stressful to put the knowledge to a continuous use and your just stupid for letting it go to waste.'

'Your strong & bold.' --'its only because you have to be so you can keep moving on. Not to mention your anger issues are one of your hugest and most uncontrollable flaws.'

Hanging.On

I reluctantly bite my tongue every horrible minute of every day. Why do thing's only ever get worse and worse at an amazing pace? It's like someone is out to drive me crazy into a suicidal rage. I don't deserve this... I don't think. Just when things start to look better for a moment, as I manage to maintain an acceptable mood, bad news follows, burying me even deeper than before. All my walls have caved in and I will never be able to crawl my way out. There is no where to go from here. I'm stuck. I give up. Whoever you are, you win.. I give in. I've fought for as long as I could.. for my fifteen years to keep growing, but I don't know how much more I can take in. I've already taken my steps to the edge several times.. When will my bit of luck run out? When will I finally fall from this darkness to the end? I'm left here with no grasp on anything, barely managing to hang on. The harsh winds are blowing so aggresively, placing so much importance into my balance. The constant rain pours on top of me, weighing me down even more... I'm about to let go.

=]

Lately I've been feeling helpless and alone, even when people will attempt to convince how they care. Well, it takes time for things to sink in so I'm dedicating time to say how important those people are. In the end, They're truly what keeps me moving on. I'm not sure how or why, but when I decide to take a breather and concentrate, i always find myself remembering that my friend's are my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. A friend of mine once said "A lot of things happen to her and she doesn't deserve it". Thank you for making me feel that way and for giving me that sentence to lean back on when i need it. Simple actions and simple words make not so simple differences. I love you all so much and i'll always be here for you like you have been for me. You make difficult time's bareable and i appreciate it more than you'll ever understand. --ox

We're our own worse enemy

Earlier today I looked in the mirror with the frustration of my stressed out image. I stared with an angry daze and said "you're hideous". Out of all the people in the world, it's likely that you yourself are the one to hurt you most. When you discover your flaws it's as if receiving a rude remark except you know it's true and that it wasn't created to inflict sadness.. yet it does. It's something you would have normally ignored if it were to have been said by another. Have you ever called yourself a name? ...Ugly? ...Stupid? ...Pointless? Or maybe it would just be easier to ask who hasn't. Ive never actually noticed until now, we hurt ourselves most and this would certainly be provided by my last entry. We do find our self unimportant and that's not right.

Unimportance

Why do we find our own self completely unimportant? yet others like to disagree with that opinion... And i know they're not just disagreeing for any reason other than that they truly do disagree. i have disagreed with someone for saying they don't matter. Do we live for others? No, we live for ourselves. So i guess it doesn't matter if they disagree.. however, if i was on the other side i know I'd completely bitch myself out for saying this. I certainly would do everything in my power to prevent my friends for feeling this way, but not for myself. I'm in the -suicidal, i hate myself and my life- kinda mood...

ughh

I want to be able to say i love you and i want to hear you say it back. I do love you, and not being able to say so is making me go crazy. Why do i always want something i cant have.. Or something that is just going to screw me over in the end anyways, but hey.. thats nothing new. Maybe im stupid.... or maybe im STUPID! I cant fucking help it, i really really cant. Its almost as if I know what im getting myself into AGAIN, i knoww its gunna hurt me, and i know it would be best for me to avoid it, but i just cant and i dont know why.

The Past

..Do you really ever stop missing the past?? And i do mean that as a question.. if anyone has the answer. Sometimes i think the past would seem amazing to live through again, then other times i think i wouldnt dare take the chance to go back. So i guess i cant make up my mind really... if thats how you want to look at it. Or you could just say that the past is made up of good and bad, so was it worth it or not? I live with no regrets and i prefer to think that everything happens for a reason, but that doesnt mean you cant change whats happening now, right? ..Should i or would that be something ill just have to change again later and then pretend that i dont regret it. Well, enough thinking.. more doing something. Ill just have to live it to answer my own questions.

politics

its been awhile since ive written.. i know hah, But schools started back up and the stress has begun! So here i am again.


Do you ever worry about our government or the people running our world? I never have.. actually id rather not hear about it. Politics not only bore me, but they piss me off. So many people in the united states are clueless, selfish, and idiotic. they will be the reason life wont meet its expectations. All this talking over Obama this Obama that, but really i know some friends that are apparently "in love" with Obama and he will be the best president ever, they say. Hah, They know nothing of him except that he could be the first black president. Dont get me wrong, id be perfectly fine with him being president, if he actually classified, but he doesnt. Some stupid teenagers dont pay attention to news.. they dont hear that he doesnt have experience, they dont hear what the other runners have more of... They see that hes a handsome black man. Dont ruin our government for something as stupid as this. One day we will have a black president that actually has his experience and will know what to do. However, i wouldnt vote for either if i could because like i said.. politics piss me off and people vote for the wrong reasons. If your going to vote, You better know what your doing because your vote will effect the lives of millions.

Theres nothing good about goodbye

There's nothing good about goodbye.. so why do i want to say goodbye to you? Im not sure really.. We have gotten in a few times like this. not exactly fights, but just.. moments of silence. I feel frusterated with you, not angry.. upset. im upset that were not like we use to be. When we had no problems. hardly anything in the world upsetted us or made us angry. If there was something bothering us we would handle it together, like besties do. We were happy and carefree.. things couldnt get better. Ive been gone, i know.. im sorry. But everytime i checked by id get upset with something little, something stupid.. just because it was different. I dont want to change and i dont want you to change, but is it even possible to do something about it? we tried.. u were you and i was me.. yet were like this again. i dont feel different about you..i dont think, and i hope you dont feel different about me.. Do you want us back to they way we use to be as bad as i do? ...i dont think its possible. What made us the way we were thats not here now? Who knows.. all i can say is of course i love you and of course im here for you, speaking or not.. that will never change, no matter how mad id get.. i can assure you. i wish we could just talk this out, but its not that simple.. talking wont do much. i wish we were talking yet i dont. I would if i knew this wouldnt keep happening, but it has been time after time.. For once i dont have a solution, i dont know what to do so ill write this and maybe you can think of something..

Sadness

Tears of acid rolling down my cheeks, dripping off of the center of my chin, rolling down my neck and drenching my clothes. They lose the burning feeling and freeze into ice until the point that i get chills up my spine and im alone in the world. Who am i? Who do i even want to be. im sombody. people like me, but no. I hate me. I dont want to be me, id rather be nobody. My eyes swell up with so many tears that i cant see. My breaths get short and i almost forget to keep breathing. Im not a good a person, deep down people dont like me, i dont trust anyone like i use to, and i have nobody to confine in. My eyes are so wet yet they burn with dryness. the salt in my tears hurts and makes my makeup slide down my face. Life is good. Life is bad. My life is fine, yet its not. Society requires too much of you and you have to be perfect. You have to fit in. You have to have amazing friends, You have to get good grades and have your whole life planned out, You have to find boyfriends and you have to be kind. You have to be happy and you have to have manners. You have to fit in and you have to look good. You cant be a whore and you cant be a prude. Its too much. I dont want to be me. life is too hard so let me be. please, i want to be nobody.

Didn't.See.That.Coming

When two friends are in an arguement or a seemingly forever lasting fight that decides whether you two were truly friends or not, you get to a point where your done being the calm and reasonable one. You know if you kept on trying that you would be able to fix everything, yet again, but you should not have to. That's not how friendships work and I understand that much. I give out too many second chances, but only because I dont think losing friends over little things is a smart thing to do. Infact, its beyond stupid. Grow up and look at what your doing. Your picking fights and losing people you love. You'll regret it, but i wont because atleast I can say I tried. I'm not normally going to be so reasonable and you didnt get that, did you? I'll do anything but let people use me or treat me any way other than what I want. I can be harsh at times, but I can also be nice too.. sometimes too nice. It doesnt sound great to be 'too nice', but its a pretty useful thing to do. It helps you keep friends and it helps things go alot smoother for everyone. However, there is a point where people begin to think that's just me. It's not and ive decided to stop wasting my time. I have real friends and at this moment you have one less. You didn't see that coming, did you?

Cherish.What.You.Have

"You never know what you have until its gone". I thought i understood that since i used the phrase myself, but i didn't. You never realize how much you love and need something until its too late. You could say abillion times how much you think you dont, but when it comes down to the very moment that its taken from you.. and you just want to keep looking back and enjoy seeing it there like you use to everyday.. you dont. you cant. its too late. Your time is up and you cry because you couldve used the time you had. instead you didnt know how soon this time would come to an end and how sad it would be. Life is full of surprises, good and bad. I wont let myself go over this surprise again.

Prove.Yourself

Sometimes you just need a break from life. And I dont mean a vacation either. I mean a few hours to not exist. Life is hard.. sometimes more difficult with other people, but always difficult. For instance, peer pressure. It really hasnt much to do with yourself. Just you wanting to prove somebody wrong to prove yourself right and basically just doing stuff you dont need to do, but your willing to do it in order to prove your point. Kinda stupid, right? Well i prefer to prove myself, but the more that I think about it, I guess it really doesn't matter what others think of you, does it? Nah, So there, I solved my own problem. forget you.

Sarcasm

I love you... or i guess i should start saying i use to. You were my everything, and thats nothing but the truth. You had my heart and you still do but maybe you shouldnt. You said you love me but i see no proof. You dont even say i love you back anymore. Your busy? Okay, i understand. Your with your friends? alright. I havent seen you in a week. Where are you? Still busy with your friends? Sorry for interupting. I guess thats all i do right? interupt your life... im sorry i wanted to talk to my boyfriend. I wont interupt again. i might as well say "its" over or whatever this relationship is. You might as well dump me because im an aweful person for missing you. Im aweful for douting that you love me. Its only been a few weeks since you've showd me you do, or even told me. Your life must be busy, so is mine. I still try talk to you, why dont you try too? im stupid for wondering if you care about me. You say I know you care about me? Are you sure about that? if i knew you loved me why would i ask? Maybe thats a hint for you. Maybe you dont give a shit about the hint. Okay, sorry for interupting again. I'll see you next month then. ..i love you. no i love you back? Okay, maybe ill get one next month. Maybe i should stop being sarcastic. Ive been afraid to tell you how i feel because i dont want to lose you. ive been afraid to complain or speak up because i dont want to lose you. But what is there to lose now? somebody who doesnt miss me back.. someone who doesnt say i love you too.. Someone im unsure of. Your not the same Or maybe you are and ive just taken this long to realize you dont care about me. no, dont lie anymore. Let me save you the trouble of speaking. Bye Jay. And no, I wont see you next month.

Best.Friends

Best friends are the most valued thing on this earth. Money cant buy you one. So when your lucky enough to discover someone your close enough with to consider calling them family, remember how lucky you are and dont mess it up. You might recall the phrase, "boys come and go, but bestfreinds are forever." ..and its so true. When someone hurts you enough that you feel heartbroken, your bestfreind is there to sew it back together. You know they'll love you no madder what happens, and of course you can act like total retards together but understand what every bit of it really means while others just stare at you like youve lost your minds. Best friends give eachother stupid nicknames that are used daily like katers and taters. Having a Bestfreind means having a shoulder to cry on or better yet, someone to cry with because they know you so well that they feel your pain. Bestfriends are so important to you that you have to keep a list of things to tell them so you dont forget because they cant miss one part of your life. I love my Bestfriend and i always will because Bestfreinds are Forever.

Good.Bye

i couldnt imagine you being like this... i couldnt imagine you breaking my heart like youve done time after time again.. and i cant imagine myself doing nothing about it. Who are you to push me around like you do and lie to my face, But who am i to cry about it and pretend like you dont lie. It was silly for me to go out with your friend, but i was curious if you would care even tho he said you would. You found out and said you didnt, but that was a lie too. So how can i sit here and tell myself you dont lie to me. i k n o w you do. Im just going to pretend im over it and pray that you leave me alone. Even though i know you wont. Cant you take no for an answer? Cant you understand that you wont be able to regain the trust i gave you and you lost. Understand that ive ended us for the last time and i dont want you back.. well i do jay, but i cant take you back and i wont. I still love you but i shouldn't. What can i say? once before i told you that id never stop loving you and that wasnt a lie. i wish i could just stop loving anyone at all.

Love?

Sometimes you feel like life is based on love, and without love... there is no living. Then other times you feel like you couldn't possibly live life with love involved. That pretty much sums up me right now. Nothing lasts forever right? well, atleast thats what ive learned.. Love hurts, but for some reason.. you need it. There is no real defination of love only because love has so many meanings and so many kinds. it hurts people and it heals people. it breaks hearts or it can makes hearts bigger. You want love.. and you dont.

Losing.Friends

Were just young and this is life.. This is the age where everyone finds out who they really are and where they fit in this world.. People change, Friends change, and you do too. Whether you realize it or not its happening to everybody. You know when someone says 'we just grew apart' ...sometimes its hard to admit that because you never thought it would happen. Theres nothing you can do but accept it because you cant change life and this is life. As much as it hurts, As much as you want it to not happen, You lose your bestfriends, but in the end you make new ones and with all you know your able to make that friendship just as great as any other one you've had before. However, you know you'll never forget your old freinds and the amazingly fun times you all shared. never regret something that once made you smile. Its nobodys fault and nobody chose it. Were just young and this is life.

Online.Only

You can say im silly when i tell you i hate stalkers... but i do. Some people have enough nerve to put fake pictures and pretend to be something their not so you like "them" ..FYI - thats not who you are and people dont like liars.. so just know they hate the real you and stop lieing to yourself and everyone around you. Then theres other people.. Once they get caught being fake, they want to deny it until you just completly block them out of your life and they finally give up. So you thought.. but no.. their so obsessed that they have to start over and pretend to be another person their not, just to talk to you. It wouldn't bother me so much if i didn't give them my trust and if i didn't believe their lies. I guess you cant really be surprised people do this, but you cant help but hate them for it. only because your being exactly who you are and your showing everyone the truth even if its not entirly great. Ive also decided that once people lie, they dont deserve a second chance.. not with me, i mean. You hurt me once, im not going to risk letting you do it again. So sure.. to all the fakes.. go be fake somewhere else! You can try to fool me but ill figure it out like i always do and ill make your life hell for messing with me. It really does hurt when you think you know someone, and you love them for being honost with you... but then you figure out that person doesnt even exist and its like losing one of your bestfreinds. I dont really know how, but you can tell if someones real or not.... && ive never been accused of being fake..

Stressing.Out

Two words: stress sucks. its one of those things that keeps building up inside you until you just cant take it anymore. You take it out on other people and of course yourself as well. Life seems pointless at times like this. You want to disapear or better yet... leave. "Running away from your problems?". No, The people are the problem.. And people dont change. So, Why would anybody want to be around to put up with the things that just mess with their nerves and make things even more difficult? Your infuriated, then you stop yelling for a momment and cry until you feel a little better. Just pretend that for two minutes, you dont exist. Dont look at anything, dont stress, dont think. Just shut your eyes and cry.

Bitches.Lie

So im the type of girl that comes out with everything.. theres rarely a secret that everyone doesnt know about. i say whats on my mind without caring what you think. heres whats on my mind. read it and live with it cuz its not gunna change. Some people should grow up, and this is coming from the youngest of all my freinds and family.. i guess you could say im mature for my age or maybe i just understand things better than most. In my mind very few people do what you always must do. Think. sometimes people think, but they dont always? thats where mistakes come in.. some understand to forgive and forget while others are too insecure to admit they were wrong. instead they try to turn the problem around and hurt the other people involved.. just because their selfish and dont want to have their image ruined. one word, imature. that explains it all. If they were to actually think things out then they would realize its silly to ruin something just because their insecure. nobodys perfect and nobodys right all the time but one thing you must do is admit your mistakes. if you dont, your just making another mistake on the spot. So remember this the next time you make a mistake, remember this when your trying to explain to somebody that their wrong, and grow up..

You.Complicate.Me

What if you were to make a mistake and as you were about to make that mistake, you knew you'd regret it... yet you did it despite all the worries you had. You lost your one true love on purpose... yep... it was no mistake. But as soon as he found it was over, he became furious with you, in disbelieve, while all you could do was watch... there’s nothing that could be said to calm him down. Before you know it he's gone... little did you know that was the last time you spoke to him. You started missing him before he even left and the regret had already begun as you knew it would. You wish you could go back but you know you cant, you don’t even deserve to... not after being so stupid. You hate yourself for a moment... maybe a week... even longer? Who really knows if you'll forgive yourself. As minutes go by you sit and wait, hoping you’ll wake up any second now, thinking this is all a dream. Crying on the inside and out in such confusion and self pity. All you did for him, the amount of love you kept for him... how could he be so angered and misunderstanding. Or was it you who didn’t understand? Did you love him as much as you say and thought you did... did he love you back? Maybe you’re just too caught up and too young, ahead of the game and you should just forget it all. Much time is needed for thoughts. Time passes and people are shocked and lost as to why you are alone, why you did it... but you don’t even know yourself. It mustn’t have been love, they say, you’re too young to know what love is... but you disagree quietly. You know you loved him don’t you? You've never felt that way of anybody before and the feeling isn’t changing a bit, or has it? What made you ruin everything you once had? Still puzzled you continue to regret and talk with others who clearly haven’t been here and just make you realize more, that this is your entire fault and there is no fixing what you have done. Is it time to give up... time to move on? Looks like he has, something in you wants to believe he misses you and still thinks about you, however the guilt turns those feelings away and replaces them with believing that he doesn’t care... he’s moved on and even replaced you. a few more times, you look back at what you’ve lost, all the great moments that will never happen, all the feelings that you say are gone for the rest of your life.. And you cry yourself to sleep. He still hasn’t come back and he never will... You wish he would in fact you could try to help bring him back, but you don’t deserve to... if he wants to come back, then he will on his own.. You can’t mess with fate, everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know the reason. Your friends tell you he's awful and others don’t say a thing. It’s better to say nothing than just lie for your comfort. Well maybe its time to move on like he has. Forget. That word is more difficult to be done than to be said. Forget it all... its over, you say to yourself. But those words hurt too much to grasp onto and again, you fail to forget. How could you move on when you still regret... when you choose not to forgive yourself. How can you forget when you wish so much for those moments you miss to be happening at this very moment. Again you say, he’s not coming back, he doesn’t care. Taking all the strength in you, you do your best to forget for a day... and only a day did it last. When you start to think and regain all your thoughts your overwhelmed and just completely blown away with sorrow, worse than before. You will never...ever... be able to move on. The giant empty space in your heart reminds you everyday that you are alone and you must live with your mistakes, your horrible mistakes. When you were together and so in love he was always on your mind. First thing when you wake up, daydreaming in school and throughout the day, dreaming about him at night. It made you so happy to know he loved you back. You still think about him all the time... he’s a major part of your life and won’t just disappear. The difference is that now when you think of him you don’t feel happy... you feel pain, heartbroken, helpless, and ashamed. Maybe it’s just because you’re alone? You think so much that he has replaced you... why don’t you try to replace him. Desperate to stop the emotional suffering you rush into a relationship, turns out to be a shallow one and just makes things worse when you find it’s loveless and you must break his heart also. You feel even worse and ashamed, that mistake is not to be repeated. He’s over it in a madder of hours and it just makes you feel even more unloved and not missed... by more than one person of course. It seems as if everyone else in the world is in love and your there only to help them not make a mistake like yours. Too bad somebody couldn’t have helped you before it was too late, but nobody understood... how can they when you can’t explain it yourself. Love is one of the most confusing things and it never really makes sense. Time passed and you become less vulnerable to the point where you can think about it and not cry, which is a very good thing because you cant not think about it... mistakes are permanent and he was a tattoo on your heart. More and more you think, thoughts changing and some not. You become angry with not only yourself but your true love as well... he must not have loved you like you thought. How can you love someone and leave them without looking back because of a mistake they made. You’re the one who made the mistake and you can’t stop looking back, you can’t stop wishing he was next to you saying he missed you too and will take you back in a heartbeat because he understands the confusions of love. But he doesn’t... nor do you... does anybody?. Still being stuck on this boy you try to fix your mistakes... you can’t talk to him so how about the next best thing? His friends, also your friends. Seems as though they’ve been gone along with him. Possibly they’re mad at you for hurting their friend or maybe you’ve just grown apart. You don’t talk to them enough to figure out which is the reason... sometimes one will come around... nothing is said. Suppose they don’t care enough to talk to you anymore? Well why bother somebody when you’re unwanted... more alone you begin to feel. The world does not stop and life does not either, time goes on whether u want it to or not. You see many couples that make you wish you were as lucky to be in love... rather then stuck in an unfinished relationship with so many unanswered questions. The more you see guys and try to think they’ll heal your heart... the more you see that hes everything they’re not and you find it impossible to replace this part of your life. Nothing comes in compare to your true love and you feel like you will never love again. Only months have gone by but it feels as if you’ve been sitting here for years thinking maybe its time to do something rather than just try to figure out the confusion. Talk to your true friends... they love you and hate to see you upset so maybe they’ll help? Maybe they can bring your true love back to you so you can talk. You might just need closure. Or maybe you just want him back...i use to live life with no regrets........So after months of waiting why cant you forget him yet? can you? i mean its about time you get over it.. dont be an obsessed loser. People are going to start thinking you just want something to complain about, arent they. Your feelings about everything just keep changing like an uncontrolable rollercoaster... oh who cares what they think. You cant help but miss him... he'd probly think your a loser for still thinking of him.. or maybe he wouldnt. Its not like you'll be able to figure it out. How can you be so unsure on wether he will ever come back or not? You usually know the answer without doutb... Okay so heres where the twist to the story comes in..... even with all these thoughts going through MY head.. i want so bad to be able to say "Jay, I love you SO much and you'll never be able to understand how sorry i am.. i love you" and i just cant stop thinking in my head.. "i love you." Dont ask me why i keep saying i miss him. its because i cant tell him i love him. i cant talk to him and now that i want to do everything i can to bring him back.. i cant.. theres nothing i can do. Theres nobody who can help me either. i guess its too late.