Sorrow

I remember being sent outside in my barbie doll pajamas to, once again, sit on those dreadful concrete steps as you and mom fought, screamed and threw things. Did you find that I wouldn't hear and feel the whole situation from my cold, lonely steps? The neighbors dare not look, as they already know what they will find: A lost little girl, crying to herself. It seems as though I should or just might feel sorry for myself, looking back at all these crystal clear memories, but it is you that i feel sorrow for. How I, of all people, can have sympathy for you, I will never quite understand. You did this to yourself, and to me and your family. Were we not good enough for you? Had you not the life you wanted? If so, then why not leave, as you were not trapped or held against any sort of will. You decided to stay and bring us down with you, yet It is not us I have sympathy for, but just you. Mom worked herself to sickness to provide for your kids, as you stole our money and sold what little we had. I'm so confused as to how your mind works, why you did the things you did, the things that hurt you just as much as it hurt us. I'm sorry you cannot have the life you maybe once hoped for and I'm sorry you lost yourself and your home. I am sorry you hurt your kids to the point where you lost them too. I'm sorry you are the way you are and im sorry you live the way you do. I just feel so sorry for you.