Sadness

Tears of acid rolling down my cheeks, dripping off of the center of my chin, rolling down my neck and drenching my clothes. They lose the burning feeling and freeze into ice until the point that i get chills up my spine and im alone in the world. Who am i? Who do i even want to be. im sombody. people like me, but no. I hate me. I dont want to be me, id rather be nobody. My eyes swell up with so many tears that i cant see. My breaths get short and i almost forget to keep breathing. Im not a good a person, deep down people dont like me, i dont trust anyone like i use to, and i have nobody to confine in. My eyes are so wet yet they burn with dryness. the salt in my tears hurts and makes my makeup slide down my face. Life is good. Life is bad. My life is fine, yet its not. Society requires too much of you and you have to be perfect. You have to fit in. You have to have amazing friends, You have to get good grades and have your whole life planned out, You have to find boyfriends and you have to be kind. You have to be happy and you have to have manners. You have to fit in and you have to look good. You cant be a whore and you cant be a prude. Its too much. I dont want to be me. life is too hard so let me be. please, i want to be nobody.

Didn't.See.That.Coming

When two friends are in an arguement or a seemingly forever lasting fight that decides whether you two were truly friends or not, you get to a point where your done being the calm and reasonable one. You know if you kept on trying that you would be able to fix everything, yet again, but you should not have to. That's not how friendships work and I understand that much. I give out too many second chances, but only because I dont think losing friends over little things is a smart thing to do. Infact, its beyond stupid. Grow up and look at what your doing. Your picking fights and losing people you love. You'll regret it, but i wont because atleast I can say I tried. I'm not normally going to be so reasonable and you didnt get that, did you? I'll do anything but let people use me or treat me any way other than what I want. I can be harsh at times, but I can also be nice too.. sometimes too nice. It doesnt sound great to be 'too nice', but its a pretty useful thing to do. It helps you keep friends and it helps things go alot smoother for everyone. However, there is a point where people begin to think that's just me. It's not and ive decided to stop wasting my time. I have real friends and at this moment you have one less. You didn't see that coming, did you?

Cherish.What.You.Have

"You never know what you have until its gone". I thought i understood that since i used the phrase myself, but i didn't. You never realize how much you love and need something until its too late. You could say abillion times how much you think you dont, but when it comes down to the very moment that its taken from you.. and you just want to keep looking back and enjoy seeing it there like you use to everyday.. you dont. you cant. its too late. Your time is up and you cry because you couldve used the time you had. instead you didnt know how soon this time would come to an end and how sad it would be. Life is full of surprises, good and bad. I wont let myself go over this surprise again.

Prove.Yourself

Sometimes you just need a break from life. And I dont mean a vacation either. I mean a few hours to not exist. Life is hard.. sometimes more difficult with other people, but always difficult. For instance, peer pressure. It really hasnt much to do with yourself. Just you wanting to prove somebody wrong to prove yourself right and basically just doing stuff you dont need to do, but your willing to do it in order to prove your point. Kinda stupid, right? Well i prefer to prove myself, but the more that I think about it, I guess it really doesn't matter what others think of you, does it? Nah, So there, I solved my own problem. forget you.

Sarcasm

I love you... or i guess i should start saying i use to. You were my everything, and thats nothing but the truth. You had my heart and you still do but maybe you shouldnt. You said you love me but i see no proof. You dont even say i love you back anymore. Your busy? Okay, i understand. Your with your friends? alright. I havent seen you in a week. Where are you? Still busy with your friends? Sorry for interupting. I guess thats all i do right? interupt your life... im sorry i wanted to talk to my boyfriend. I wont interupt again. i might as well say "its" over or whatever this relationship is. You might as well dump me because im an aweful person for missing you. Im aweful for douting that you love me. Its only been a few weeks since you've showd me you do, or even told me. Your life must be busy, so is mine. I still try talk to you, why dont you try too? im stupid for wondering if you care about me. You say I know you care about me? Are you sure about that? if i knew you loved me why would i ask? Maybe thats a hint for you. Maybe you dont give a shit about the hint. Okay, sorry for interupting again. I'll see you next month then. ..i love you. no i love you back? Okay, maybe ill get one next month. Maybe i should stop being sarcastic. Ive been afraid to tell you how i feel because i dont want to lose you. ive been afraid to complain or speak up because i dont want to lose you. But what is there to lose now? somebody who doesnt miss me back.. someone who doesnt say i love you too.. Someone im unsure of. Your not the same Or maybe you are and ive just taken this long to realize you dont care about me. no, dont lie anymore. Let me save you the trouble of speaking. Bye Jay. And no, I wont see you next month.

Best.Friends

Best friends are the most valued thing on this earth. Money cant buy you one. So when your lucky enough to discover someone your close enough with to consider calling them family, remember how lucky you are and dont mess it up. You might recall the phrase, "boys come and go, but bestfreinds are forever." ..and its so true. When someone hurts you enough that you feel heartbroken, your bestfreind is there to sew it back together. You know they'll love you no madder what happens, and of course you can act like total retards together but understand what every bit of it really means while others just stare at you like youve lost your minds. Best friends give eachother stupid nicknames that are used daily like katers and taters. Having a Bestfreind means having a shoulder to cry on or better yet, someone to cry with because they know you so well that they feel your pain. Bestfriends are so important to you that you have to keep a list of things to tell them so you dont forget because they cant miss one part of your life. I love my Bestfriend and i always will because Bestfreinds are Forever.

Good.Bye

i couldnt imagine you being like this... i couldnt imagine you breaking my heart like youve done time after time again.. and i cant imagine myself doing nothing about it. Who are you to push me around like you do and lie to my face, But who am i to cry about it and pretend like you dont lie. It was silly for me to go out with your friend, but i was curious if you would care even tho he said you would. You found out and said you didnt, but that was a lie too. So how can i sit here and tell myself you dont lie to me. i k n o w you do. Im just going to pretend im over it and pray that you leave me alone. Even though i know you wont. Cant you take no for an answer? Cant you understand that you wont be able to regain the trust i gave you and you lost. Understand that ive ended us for the last time and i dont want you back.. well i do jay, but i cant take you back and i wont. I still love you but i shouldn't. What can i say? once before i told you that id never stop loving you and that wasnt a lie. i wish i could just stop loving anyone at all.

Love?

Sometimes you feel like life is based on love, and without love... there is no living. Then other times you feel like you couldn't possibly live life with love involved. That pretty much sums up me right now. Nothing lasts forever right? well, atleast thats what ive learned.. Love hurts, but for some reason.. you need it. There is no real defination of love only because love has so many meanings and so many kinds. it hurts people and it heals people. it breaks hearts or it can makes hearts bigger. You want love.. and you dont.

Losing.Friends

Were just young and this is life.. This is the age where everyone finds out who they really are and where they fit in this world.. People change, Friends change, and you do too. Whether you realize it or not its happening to everybody. You know when someone says 'we just grew apart' ...sometimes its hard to admit that because you never thought it would happen. Theres nothing you can do but accept it because you cant change life and this is life. As much as it hurts, As much as you want it to not happen, You lose your bestfriends, but in the end you make new ones and with all you know your able to make that friendship just as great as any other one you've had before. However, you know you'll never forget your old freinds and the amazingly fun times you all shared. never regret something that once made you smile. Its nobodys fault and nobody chose it. Were just young and this is life.

Online.Only

You can say im silly when i tell you i hate stalkers... but i do. Some people have enough nerve to put fake pictures and pretend to be something their not so you like "them" ..FYI - thats not who you are and people dont like liars.. so just know they hate the real you and stop lieing to yourself and everyone around you. Then theres other people.. Once they get caught being fake, they want to deny it until you just completly block them out of your life and they finally give up. So you thought.. but no.. their so obsessed that they have to start over and pretend to be another person their not, just to talk to you. It wouldn't bother me so much if i didn't give them my trust and if i didn't believe their lies. I guess you cant really be surprised people do this, but you cant help but hate them for it. only because your being exactly who you are and your showing everyone the truth even if its not entirly great. Ive also decided that once people lie, they dont deserve a second chance.. not with me, i mean. You hurt me once, im not going to risk letting you do it again. So sure.. to all the fakes.. go be fake somewhere else! You can try to fool me but ill figure it out like i always do and ill make your life hell for messing with me. It really does hurt when you think you know someone, and you love them for being honost with you... but then you figure out that person doesnt even exist and its like losing one of your bestfreinds. I dont really know how, but you can tell if someones real or not.... && ive never been accused of being fake..

Stressing.Out

Two words: stress sucks. its one of those things that keeps building up inside you until you just cant take it anymore. You take it out on other people and of course yourself as well. Life seems pointless at times like this. You want to disapear or better yet... leave. "Running away from your problems?". No, The people are the problem.. And people dont change. So, Why would anybody want to be around to put up with the things that just mess with their nerves and make things even more difficult? Your infuriated, then you stop yelling for a momment and cry until you feel a little better. Just pretend that for two minutes, you dont exist. Dont look at anything, dont stress, dont think. Just shut your eyes and cry.

Bitches.Lie

So im the type of girl that comes out with everything.. theres rarely a secret that everyone doesnt know about. i say whats on my mind without caring what you think. heres whats on my mind. read it and live with it cuz its not gunna change. Some people should grow up, and this is coming from the youngest of all my freinds and family.. i guess you could say im mature for my age or maybe i just understand things better than most. In my mind very few people do what you always must do. Think. sometimes people think, but they dont always? thats where mistakes come in.. some understand to forgive and forget while others are too insecure to admit they were wrong. instead they try to turn the problem around and hurt the other people involved.. just because their selfish and dont want to have their image ruined. one word, imature. that explains it all. If they were to actually think things out then they would realize its silly to ruin something just because their insecure. nobodys perfect and nobodys right all the time but one thing you must do is admit your mistakes. if you dont, your just making another mistake on the spot. So remember this the next time you make a mistake, remember this when your trying to explain to somebody that their wrong, and grow up..

You.Complicate.Me

What if you were to make a mistake and as you were about to make that mistake, you knew you'd regret it... yet you did it despite all the worries you had. You lost your one true love on purpose... yep... it was no mistake. But as soon as he found it was over, he became furious with you, in disbelieve, while all you could do was watch... there’s nothing that could be said to calm him down. Before you know it he's gone... little did you know that was the last time you spoke to him. You started missing him before he even left and the regret had already begun as you knew it would. You wish you could go back but you know you cant, you don’t even deserve to... not after being so stupid. You hate yourself for a moment... maybe a week... even longer? Who really knows if you'll forgive yourself. As minutes go by you sit and wait, hoping you’ll wake up any second now, thinking this is all a dream. Crying on the inside and out in such confusion and self pity. All you did for him, the amount of love you kept for him... how could he be so angered and misunderstanding. Or was it you who didn’t understand? Did you love him as much as you say and thought you did... did he love you back? Maybe you’re just too caught up and too young, ahead of the game and you should just forget it all. Much time is needed for thoughts. Time passes and people are shocked and lost as to why you are alone, why you did it... but you don’t even know yourself. It mustn’t have been love, they say, you’re too young to know what love is... but you disagree quietly. You know you loved him don’t you? You've never felt that way of anybody before and the feeling isn’t changing a bit, or has it? What made you ruin everything you once had? Still puzzled you continue to regret and talk with others who clearly haven’t been here and just make you realize more, that this is your entire fault and there is no fixing what you have done. Is it time to give up... time to move on? Looks like he has, something in you wants to believe he misses you and still thinks about you, however the guilt turns those feelings away and replaces them with believing that he doesn’t care... he’s moved on and even replaced you. a few more times, you look back at what you’ve lost, all the great moments that will never happen, all the feelings that you say are gone for the rest of your life.. And you cry yourself to sleep. He still hasn’t come back and he never will... You wish he would in fact you could try to help bring him back, but you don’t deserve to... if he wants to come back, then he will on his own.. You can’t mess with fate, everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know the reason. Your friends tell you he's awful and others don’t say a thing. It’s better to say nothing than just lie for your comfort. Well maybe its time to move on like he has. Forget. That word is more difficult to be done than to be said. Forget it all... its over, you say to yourself. But those words hurt too much to grasp onto and again, you fail to forget. How could you move on when you still regret... when you choose not to forgive yourself. How can you forget when you wish so much for those moments you miss to be happening at this very moment. Again you say, he’s not coming back, he doesn’t care. Taking all the strength in you, you do your best to forget for a day... and only a day did it last. When you start to think and regain all your thoughts your overwhelmed and just completely blown away with sorrow, worse than before. You will never...ever... be able to move on. The giant empty space in your heart reminds you everyday that you are alone and you must live with your mistakes, your horrible mistakes. When you were together and so in love he was always on your mind. First thing when you wake up, daydreaming in school and throughout the day, dreaming about him at night. It made you so happy to know he loved you back. You still think about him all the time... he’s a major part of your life and won’t just disappear. The difference is that now when you think of him you don’t feel happy... you feel pain, heartbroken, helpless, and ashamed. Maybe it’s just because you’re alone? You think so much that he has replaced you... why don’t you try to replace him. Desperate to stop the emotional suffering you rush into a relationship, turns out to be a shallow one and just makes things worse when you find it’s loveless and you must break his heart also. You feel even worse and ashamed, that mistake is not to be repeated. He’s over it in a madder of hours and it just makes you feel even more unloved and not missed... by more than one person of course. It seems as if everyone else in the world is in love and your there only to help them not make a mistake like yours. Too bad somebody couldn’t have helped you before it was too late, but nobody understood... how can they when you can’t explain it yourself. Love is one of the most confusing things and it never really makes sense. Time passed and you become less vulnerable to the point where you can think about it and not cry, which is a very good thing because you cant not think about it... mistakes are permanent and he was a tattoo on your heart. More and more you think, thoughts changing and some not. You become angry with not only yourself but your true love as well... he must not have loved you like you thought. How can you love someone and leave them without looking back because of a mistake they made. You’re the one who made the mistake and you can’t stop looking back, you can’t stop wishing he was next to you saying he missed you too and will take you back in a heartbeat because he understands the confusions of love. But he doesn’t... nor do you... does anybody?. Still being stuck on this boy you try to fix your mistakes... you can’t talk to him so how about the next best thing? His friends, also your friends. Seems as though they’ve been gone along with him. Possibly they’re mad at you for hurting their friend or maybe you’ve just grown apart. You don’t talk to them enough to figure out which is the reason... sometimes one will come around... nothing is said. Suppose they don’t care enough to talk to you anymore? Well why bother somebody when you’re unwanted... more alone you begin to feel. The world does not stop and life does not either, time goes on whether u want it to or not. You see many couples that make you wish you were as lucky to be in love... rather then stuck in an unfinished relationship with so many unanswered questions. The more you see guys and try to think they’ll heal your heart... the more you see that hes everything they’re not and you find it impossible to replace this part of your life. Nothing comes in compare to your true love and you feel like you will never love again. Only months have gone by but it feels as if you’ve been sitting here for years thinking maybe its time to do something rather than just try to figure out the confusion. Talk to your true friends... they love you and hate to see you upset so maybe they’ll help? Maybe they can bring your true love back to you so you can talk. You might just need closure. Or maybe you just want him back...i use to live life with no regrets........So after months of waiting why cant you forget him yet? can you? i mean its about time you get over it.. dont be an obsessed loser. People are going to start thinking you just want something to complain about, arent they. Your feelings about everything just keep changing like an uncontrolable rollercoaster... oh who cares what they think. You cant help but miss him... he'd probly think your a loser for still thinking of him.. or maybe he wouldnt. Its not like you'll be able to figure it out. How can you be so unsure on wether he will ever come back or not? You usually know the answer without doutb... Okay so heres where the twist to the story comes in..... even with all these thoughts going through MY head.. i want so bad to be able to say "Jay, I love you SO much and you'll never be able to understand how sorry i am.. i love you" and i just cant stop thinking in my head.. "i love you." Dont ask me why i keep saying i miss him. its because i cant tell him i love him. i cant talk to him and now that i want to do everything i can to bring him back.. i cant.. theres nothing i can do. Theres nobody who can help me either. i guess its too late.